Crosswords and Defining Beliefs

PART I
I am terrible at crossword puzzles.

A culmination of more than one experience brought me to that conclusion.
To my recollection, there have been multiple occasions where I’ve attempted crossword puzzles, whether on my own or with others. My experience is that I don’t know where to start, I scroll down to what feels like the 50th clue before I have any idea of an answer. If I’m with others, it feels like a game that everyone seems to know how to play as people rattle off guesses that seem so absurdly random I can’t keep up.

The statement has become a defining characteristic of myself as I’ve allowed it to take on a life of its own.
I’m going to let you in on some vulnerable stuff here. The very simple belief that I’m not good at crossword puzzles entails many beliefs within it. In my mind, being good at crossword puzzles means you have to be well versed in world history and politics, intellectual, read lots of books, be quick witted, worldly. If I’m not good at crossword puzzles, I must not be those things. It also goes vice versa. Since I have always been self conscious about not being smart enough, not being good at crossword puzzles really matches up well to the belief system I’ve already created for myself. I am using this seemingly simple “fun fact” about myself as a way to define myself.

That is a statement with little room for negotiation.
My conviction that I’m not good at crossword puzzles solidified over time to become a defining characteristic. Characteristics by which we choose to define ourselves have little room for negotiation. It usually takes A LOT for us to change something we use to shape our identity. This isn’t always useful. If I believe I’m bad at crossword puzzles, I will likely do very poorly at any future crossword puzzle experience. I’m biased against myself. Our chosen defining characteristics influence our behavior which then influence our future experiences which then further reinforce our defining characteristics. You see how this works? A few not-so-positive experiences + a previous belief system = new belief that reinforces my original belief system and creates future not-so positive experiences around the related issue. There’s little room for change in this self perpetuating cycle.

PART II
One month ago, I was enjoying coffee with a friend. Who knows how we got onto the subject of crosswords, but as you can guess, I immediately said, “Oh, I’m terrible at crosswords.” She proceeded to tell me how much fun they are, how it’s like exercise for your brain, etc, and in my head I’m like, “Yes, I know, and this is all confirming my inadequacy because I suck at them.” I’m not sure how the conversation went verbatim, but I expressed to her how I didn’t feel like my level of knowledge is up to par with those on “team crosswords” and she told me it wasn’t all about how much you know. She said you get used to how to do them, and they become easier. She mentioned The New York Times has a mini crossword. Hmm.

I laid in bed a week later, and decided to Google, “How to do a crossword.” In the midst of an ensuing endless rabbit hole, Jerid finally said, “I think you could spend some of that energy actually doing one.” Ok, he was right. I downloaded the NYT game app and opened up the daily mini . . . I finished it in less than 3 minutes. WHAT?? I wish I could relay how important this moment was for me for so many reasons. First off, let me disclose that the NYT mini is very easy. However, the end result was the end result: I completed my first crossword. I did another, and another, and another. Almost two hours later my eyes felt like glue and I'd completed all the available free minis on the app AND completed a couple slightly larger ones with Jerid’s help and Googled answer or two. I was elated. Not only did I shatter the idea that I can’t do crossword puzzles, I also shattered the idea that I wasn’t smart enough to do them. When you realize, in a moment, how drastically your beliefs shape your experience, it’s astonishing.

PART III
I’m sharing this story because I imagine you may have some belief systems about movement and exercise. I bet some of you hate running. It’s defining, isn’t it? You hate running, always have, always will. You’ve had many experiences that confirm this, and you will never be that type. You roll your eyes at those crazies who just can’t live without it. Maybe it’s sports for you. Maybe it’s strength training. Maybe it’s dancing. I encourage you to ask yourself what else your belief systems may be saying. That you’re not the athletic type? That you’ll never be strong? That you’re not coordinated enough? That being strong means being obsessed with working out? That running is only for skinny people? That sports are only for athletes? That you are not healthy enough to move more? There may not be anything there, I’m not looking to put thoughts into your head. But oftentimes the characteristics we define ourselves with may have underlying damaging perceptions about who we are. It’s worth checking into—especially when it comes to movement.

Our perceptions about movement and exercise and body image are remarkably loaded. Jenn Pilotti writes in her new book, Body Mind Movement, that our perceptions about our bodies affect the way we move. If you believe you’re weak, you will move to reflect that. If you think you’re overweight, you will move to reflect that also. If you feel tired one day, the hill you’re walking up will feel steeper than when you walk up the same hill with energy. To that end, if you think you’ll never be the “type” to like strength training, how might that affect how you carry yourself and perform everyday physical tasks?

PART IV
What made my first crossword possible? I received encouragement from a friend that I didn’t have to be a certain “type” of person to do a crossword. I started eeeaaasssy. And I realized there’s actually a method to the madness—and that I can learn the method. Let’s use the running example.
Start easy. Todd Hargrove writes in a blog post about learning to like running that most people start out way too fast. One minute at a time. Start at a very slow speed. Give yourself a chance to feel like you succeeded. Just do a crossword mini and gain confidence from the get-go.
There’s no “type”. Get rid of the notion that there’s a type. There’s all kinds of people who do all kinds of things at all kinds of levels. The only “type” of person who runs is a person who runs.
Learn the “how.” There’s always a method. People who are good at running usually know how to run. There are tricks to breathing, tricks to cadence, basic mechanics of foot strike, stride, and arm swing. You don’t need to perfect it, but doing the research on a few of the details can go a long way.

How are you defining yourself when it comes to movement?

xoxo
keep moving.