Lifting Heavy Things

A story about ageism and sexism.

Several months ago, I had my mid 50’s female client, we’ll call her Rachel, pick up 70 pounds off the floor.  She did so for a grand total of 15 times broken up throughout the session.  I could tell she was impressed with herself, even if she wasn’t jumping up and down to do it again.  We’d worked up to this slowly, in various ways, for many months.  I knew before she did that she’d be able to lift the weight, but it’s the process of getting people to realize what they can actually do that is part of the joy of my work.

During our next session, she mentioned that she told her family about lifting 70 pounds and that they were astonished.  Not only that, but they reacted by telling her things like, “Wow, that’s too much!” or “I can’t even do that (remarked by a 30 year old)” and something along the lines of “Should you even be lifting that much weight?”  Rachel, true to her nature, responded with various assertions of confidence about what she had done, and shut down of the flurry of unsolicited opinions.  Three significant things immediately stood out to me from this short interaction.

First, the screaming sexism and ageism.
I think it’s fairly obvious that the reaction would have been quite different had Rachel been a man.  Imagine what you might have said? “Oh that’s awesome!” Or, “Wow that’s heavy! You’re strong!”  Women aren’t encouraged to pick up heavy things.  We’ve been conditioned.  We’ve been conditioned to be afraid we’ll get bulky (and conditioned to want to look lean), to be intimidated by big black clunking metal equipment at the gym, to believe that we’re meant to lift 5lb dumbells or just do side lying clam shells, and to just ask the closest man to go pick up the heavy thing.  This isn’t our fault.  This is culturally driven and hugely patriarchal.

Sexism is well understood, but ageism less so (although it got some exposure because of how the elderly were treated during the pandemic).  Ageism is discrimination against someone because of their age.  We have culturally dictated ideas about what is or isn’t appropriate for someone to do after a certain age like strength train, jump, compete in a sport, or make decisions for themselves about their own lives when they have full cognitive capacity to do so.

Second, how deeply other people’s opinions of us can affect us.
Sexism and ageism are everywhere. I’ll write about subliminal messaging in a future post but  suffice to say that we grossly underestimate cultural influences on our behavior and the behavior we expect from others around us.  Rachel fell victim to both sexism and ageism in that moment, by her own family.  Because she’s female, in her 50’s, she’s apparently not fit to lift something heavy (and those lines are very blurry.  If she were 49 would the reaction have been different? 45? Maybe the cutoff is childbearing age??) She was met with surprise and resistance and the need to be protected from harm.  These reactions are not random.  They are reactions based on ideas culturally embedded into the fabric of everyday life, and whether Rachel knew it or not, this was not the first time she had experienced this kind of messaging in her life.

Third, Rachel responded with confidence. 
I mentioned this to her, excited that she felt proud of what she’d done, and she remarked that her response to her family might have been what it was because she doesn’t tolerate unwanted opinions.  Granted, she’s already a confident person, self assured and articulate.  But even if it were just about shutting down her family’s doubts more than excitement about her strength capabilities, she was still having to defend the fact that she lifted 70 pounds off the floor.  Inherent in her defense is a knowing that she can and she will pick up a heavy weight if and when needed.

All of this matters.  It matters because as women and as older adults, moments like this challenge the cultural norms that are defining us whether we like it or not.  It matters because women are more prone to osteoporosis and muscle decline after menopause because of a drop in estrogen, and the research is overwhelming that the antidote for such decline IS heavy loading (source, source). It matters because as early as our 30’s, we start to lose muscle muscle mass at a very quick rate and musculoskeletal health is one of the leading factors in functionality and independence as an older adult (source). It’s been shown repeatedly that lifting heavy is the antidote (source). It matters because allowing a person, regardless of age, gender, ethnicity, etc, to feel empowered to take care of themselves when needed is something that has tremendous positive ripple effects in many other areas of our lives.

I will challenge you to become more aware of those fleeting thoughts about your own behaviors or the behaviors of others—thoughts that suggest someone should or shouldn’t do something with their bodies because of their gender or age.   Do you even believe it?  Does that thought truly align with your values? What fear does it support?  Can you hold a different perspective, even for a moment, and see how it feels?

keep moving.